Why Feelings Matter: Building Emotional Skills in Kids
If there’s one thing we all want for our kids, it’s for them to grow up confident, resilient, and able to handle whatever life throws at them. What many people don’t realize is that one of the biggest foundations for all of that is simple:
helping kids understand their feelings!
Emotional skills aren’t something children “just figure out.” They’re learned. Just like reading, tying shoes, or riding a bike. When we teach kids how to recognize and talk about their emotions, we give them tools they will use for the rest of their lives.
Imagine trying to explain a stomachache without knowing the word “pain.” That’s how kids feel when they’re overwhelmed but don’t have the words for what’s happening inside their mind’s and their bodies. Fortunately, there is so much you can do in your everyday lives to help your child build an emotional vocabulary!
Start by introducing and teaching simple feelings words such as; happy, sad, frustrated, excited. This helps make the invisible visible. Once a child can name it, they can understand it, and once they can understand it, they can work towards managing it!
Children will rarely act out “just because”. Most challenging behaviors are unmet needs wrapped in emotion. A tantrum may be frustration. Shutting down may be worry. Being “extra silly” may be excitement or nervousness. As adults, we are able to label these feelings, but without the vocabulary, children show how they feel in the best way they know how. Helping kids tune into their feelings gives them healthier ways to express them. It also helps us respond with empathy rather than frustration.
Kids who learn how to express their emotions tend to have better relationships with peers, cope better with stress, show more confidence, reduce meltdowns as they grow, and communicate more openly with parents and caregivers. Emotional intelligence is one of the strongest predictors of long-term well-being. It matters just as much as academics.
Simple ways to Build Emotional Skills at Home
During everyday moments, label what you see.
It looks like you are frustrated the block tower fell over.
Read books that show emotions.
Use pictures or feeling charts to help kids point to what they are experiencing.
Do daily feeling check ins.
ex: feelings charts, feeling game, feeling “weather report” (inside I feel sunny, stormy, cloudy, etc”
Kids learn from what we say, so try modeling emotion talk.
“I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
Validate their emotions. Not all emotions are fun, but all emotions are okay!
Create a calm-down corner. Try finding a cozy space with pillows, books, and sensory items to teach them how to regulate themselves. This can look however you want but it should feel like a safe space for the child.
When we teach kids how to understand their emotions, we’re not just helping them get through tough moments, we’re helping them become thoughtful, resilient, emotionally wise humans!
