How Anxiety Shows Up Differently in Kids Than Adults
When we think of anxiety, we often picture racing thoughts, constant worry, or feeling overwhelmed. But for children, anxiety doesn’t always look like fear or nervousness. In fact, many kids don’t have the words to say, “I’m anxious.” Instead, their anxiety shows up through their behavior, bodies, and emotions. Understanding how anxiety looks different in kids can help parents respond with empathy instead of confusion or frustration.
Kids, along with adults, feel anxiety in their body. While adults can often identify the butterflies in their belly as being nervousness, kids don’t have the words or understanding yet to comprehend this. Children often experience anxiety physically before they experience it emotionally. Some physical symptoms you may notice a child with anxiety complain about include; frequent stomach or headaches, nausea or changes in appetite, trouble sleeping, fatigue, or restlessness. Because kids may not connect these symptoms to emotions, they truly feel like something is “wrong” with their body.
One of the most misunderstood signs of anxiety in children is behavioral outbursts. When kids feel overwhelmed or unsafe, their nervous system may move into fight-or-flight mode. As talked about in previous posts, behavioral outbursts usually come from big feelings that kids can’t verbalize. What may look like “bad behavior” is usually a child trying to communicate that they don’t feel “safe” or “in control”. Anxiety is not an easy thing to verbalize as a young child so more frequently it will be shown in behavior which can also come across as anger or frustration.
Avoidance is a big clue into how a child is feeling. As adults, we often push through our anxiety or discomfort, but children will tend to avoid things especially when it seems scary. If a child is struggling with anxiety around peers or separation from their caregiver, this might look like avoiding or refusing to go to school. They may also procrastinate or freeze when asked to do a task out of fear or anxiousness about the outcome. Avoidance is not laziness, it is a coping strategy.
Unlike adults, children are still learning emotional vocabulary. Instead of saying '“I am worried about failing”, a child may say “I don’t feel good” to avoid school as a whole, “I don’t want to go”, or “I hate school”. These are all more simple phrases that hint at a child struggling but not having the full vocabulary to verbalize why they are anxious. Their words may not match the intensity of what they’re feeling inside, which can make anxiety harder to recognize.
Anxiety often changes with age. Anxiety does not disappear as kids grow, it changes. Younger children may have anxiety around separation and attachment, loud noises, or changes in routine. Elementary aged children may have anxiety surrounding rules, performance, or peer relationships. Older adolescents may have anxiety about perfectionism, social anxiety, or self doubt. Anxiety changes as their environment changes. Recognizing age-appropriate anxiety helps adults support kids without minimizing or overreacting.
How can you help?
Name what you see
(I wonder if your body feels worried right now?)
Validate feelings before problem solving
Stick to routines
Teach calming strategies when your child is calm, not waiting until during a meltdown
Teach child to connect emotions to their body feelings
In my body I feel book/worksheet
Reach out for extra support if anxiety is interfering with daily living.
Anxiety in kids is often quiet, confusing, and misunderstood. When we learn to look beyond behavior and listen to what a child’s nervous system is telling us, we create space for healing, growth, and emotional safety. If you’re noticing these signs in your child, you’re not alone—and support can make a big difference.
